I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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