Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dear god my vagina.
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