My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
