Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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