I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
