I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
