PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
