he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
