fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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