I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
