Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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