I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
