I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize