1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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