where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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