I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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