Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
