I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
