i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
