She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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