Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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