ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
