I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
