I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
