Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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