Quick, to the slutcave!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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