Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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