ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Acid is not a monday night drug
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
