Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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