Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
4 words: hood of his car
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm having to shit out rocks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
