how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
