you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
