I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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