If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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