I wannas sexs uuuuu
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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