I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
