I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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