I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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