dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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