Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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