I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.