I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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