Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
too bad you live with your parents still
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?