now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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