did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night