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• (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

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• (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  Fuck you, my tits are fabulous

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• (872): View more from Illinois

  i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.

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