do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
