Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
