He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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