i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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