Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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