yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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