I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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