I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
