i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
