Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she told me i tasted like america
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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