Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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