For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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