I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
