six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
