did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
