She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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