we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
