I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want a musical about memes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
