i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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