Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
