Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
