I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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