I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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