you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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