Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
