I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize