hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
