Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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