He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In America we eat man semen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize