i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
