i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
