The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
