He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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