Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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