i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
