Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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