she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
