he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
