I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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