on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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