About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
