I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
