Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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