we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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