I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
