I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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