I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
